I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
