HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you would pick up someone in the library
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Randomize
