Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
