I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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