I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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