We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
