i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
