dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
