We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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