He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
