a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize