I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
love makes seman taste better
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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