I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have fence marks all over my body
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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