you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
