So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
