well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
