Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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