He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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