i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
