Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
