I wish my penis had an off switch
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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