I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
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I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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