I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i've created a new STD.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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