So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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