we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
