I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
