there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
