come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
