I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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