Swine flu. Run for my life!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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