if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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