He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
