dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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