Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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