every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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