tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
