you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
