So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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