Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
