We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
