I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
