Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Come see our sink grown plant.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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