i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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