I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
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We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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