mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
