Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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