drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
