How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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