On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
the raccoons are back...
Randomize