on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
