You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
