When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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