Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
