remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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