You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
