Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
