You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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