WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
