i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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