I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize