all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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